Wednesday, April 13, 2011

School Nerves

I've been to the school registration, I've taken the placement tests, but I've yet to step foot into an actual classroom.  That won't be until May 23rd.  And I'm full of nerves.

I fear that community college might be the pits for me since most of my fellow students will be significantly younger than me.  We'll see how that goes.  It might not be so bad.  But this is one of the reasons why I am so eager to get into the University of Pennsylvania's LPS school.  It's a school specifically designed for adults.  It will be nice to work alongside others who are intelligent, interested in learning and in the same general age range as me.

Once classes get started, I'm hoping the quality of my blog will improve too.  Not only will I be able to share stories (and pictures) from the trenches, but if I write any good papers, I'll probably share those too.

It's been so long since I've been to a school, that I just don't know what I'm in for.  Actually, I hope it isn't anything whatsoever like high school, since that was quite terrible for me.  Hopefully the professors will be able to jumpstart my brain.  It's been so long since I've had any intellectually challenging and invigorating work.

Long ago, when I almost had a career, I did some interesting work.  I was a guest panelist on Philly After Midnight, a local ABC show.  I was a semi-finalist for Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, and I was selected as a guest panelist when the ABC show The View did its "View Across America" tour.  I wrote, produced and hosted my own little local cable show.  I don't know what happened, exactly.  I guess I sort of gave up.  I didn't believe in myself.  I began to fear that even if I was "successful" that I still wouldn't be happy.  I feared success and failure.  I had no guidance.  People were becoming jealous of me and hateful towards me for the little success that I had.  I didn't want more of that.  It was a venture into the unknown, and I bailed from it.  I gave into the naysayers.  I shouldn't have.

So now, in my old age, I'm trying to find my way.  I don't really know what I want to do with school, but it has to be better than just stewing in regret.  A new beginning, despite my fears.