I Like Religion, but Not Religious People

Is that possible?  I even thought of becoming a nun for  a time, because I liked the idea of living for God and having some meaning in my life.  But the religious people I've encountered, some were all right, but some were so mean.  I was especially surprised by how bitchy and catty the nuns could be, as well thought of as they are.  They seemed to think they had reached some level of perfection to which all others must conform.  They were constantly trying to "convert" people, in the worst sense.  I guess it almost goes without saying that they were intolerant of gays.  Many of them were totally intolerant of everything that they viewed wrong with other people, and they always made their views known.

What's really upsetting about this, for me, is that it's so totally contrary to legitimate Christianity, as I see it.  Jesus was always a friend to the outcast, and those who had been dumped on and "robbed" by society.  He healed the oppressed, he wasn't an oppressor.  Even though, according to Christian theology, he was literally perfect, he never beat up on people for their petty sins.  He wasn't constantly trying to wrestle people down into some sort of a conversion.  These are the real values in Christianity, and unfortunately I just didn't see it in the religious people I encountered.  But they were very good at making people feel bad.

I guess it can be hard to find kindness anywhere in this world.  That's why it's so disappointing that these Christian/Catholic people who pride themselves on being Christian are so cruel.  Why do they even use the title "Christian"?  For the Catholic hierarchy, I guess the answer is obvious.  They live lives of privileged leisure because of their title of priest or bishop or nun.  They are practically worshipped by so many people for  their title.  In other words, they are hooked up.  All the more reason why they shouldn't be so hard on other people.  The laity have to worry about things like working to pay for their bills, accommodating their families, and generally making a go of life without the institutional support of a multi-billion dollar multi-national.  Many of the parishes are multi-million dollar extravagances, and yet the religious people are still motivated by getting more money from people.  They want money from people who are poorer than themselves.

But do they, at least, give good life guidance?  No.  I got a lot of domineering advice and criticism from them in all the years that I went to Church, but none of it helped me in the least.

I still like the idea of religion, though.  The idea that different people from different backgrounds could come together and be friends for a least one part of the day, as it should be at Church.  Church isn't supposed to be a place of alienation and contempt.  For people who aren't sincere, it should at least be a place where they put on their best selves for at least a moment.  A place of respite for your soul.  A place where everyone's innate human dignity is valued, most especially the outcasts and those who've experienced real hardship in life.  But I never found a Church that truly welcomed me.